


Blue Is Our Happiness

by orphan_account



Category: Produce 101 (TV), UNIQ (Band), UP10TION, VICTON (Band), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Roommates, changed the age gaps (of course I did otherwise they wouldn't be in college), kinda like hanahaki au but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:00:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22395931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Yohan has always been the center of attention, surrounded by love and friends. Love and friendship? He thinks those are stupid concepts. Reciprocating love? Dying because flowers bloom on their arms to signify heartache? He doesn’t understand. Not until Wooseok, Hangyul, Seungwoo, and Seungyoun come crashing into his life, allowing him to experience heartbreak for the first time.
Relationships: Han Seungwoo/Kim Yohan, Kim Wooseok | Wooshin/Kim Yohan, Kim Yohan/Lee Hangyul
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24
Collections: 99&UP Fic Fest





	Blue Is Our Happiness

**Author's Note:**

> hello, I would like to start off by sharing what was given to me~
> 
> Prompt: Wherein Yohan has made thorny flowers grow on people's skin until they bleed to death because he doesn't know what love is and what reciprocating love means. And he doesn't understand why these people can't just forget about it to keep them from growing further until he experiences it himself.
> 
> Additional comments: this prompt is kinda hanahaki au except they actually get wounds and bleed. of course it's possible for the flowers to wilt upon either falling in love with someone else or getting their love reciprocated, but the wounds from these thorns would leave a mark. people would usually die due to loss of blood or the thorns pricking too deep or something. it's up to the author how they'd imagine this prompt to be??
> 
> things I want to clarify for readers before diving in:  
> -everyone perceives love differently, which is completely normal  
> -I've made it so that each individual's perception of love changes how they get hurt. I can't explain more, but you'll understand what I mean as you get through the story.
> 
> story starts with the characters in:  
> -yohan: 1st year  
> -wooseok: 2nd year  
> -hangyul: 1st year  
> -seungwoo: 4th year  
> -seungyoun: 2nd year

Yohan bites his lip and stares at the mahogany door, refusing to knock. _It’s fine,_ he tells himself. _I’ll be able to get a spot in the dorms soon. This is temporary._

_One week ago, Yohan was carrying his luggage up the steps of the dormitory building, only to be kicked out because his name wasn’t on the roster._

_“But I was on the list! When I registered, the school sent me an email saying I had a guaranteed spot. Look!” Yohan fumbles in his pocket for his phone and pulls up the email that he had saved. He’d guessed this was going to happen, but he didn’t know he had such bad luck. He shoves it in the man’s face but gets pushed back._

_“Look, kiddo. The school sends that to everyone. You’re not special.” The man pulls up a list and slides it towards him. “Kim Yohan, right? Do you see a Kim Yohan here? No, right? Now get out. I have many more students to deal with.” He gestures to the long line behind him. Yohan turns and pouts, realizing the old man won’t be helping him anytime soon._

_Yohan doesn’t know what to do. It’s his first year, and he has nowhere to live. He heads to the cafe he’d walked past earlier. He doesn’t even bother ordering anything, just seats himself in the corner farthest from the cash register and prays that he nobody will catch him._

_Yohan takes out his laptop and begins searching for available rooms. Most rooms are already occupied (“Why haven’t they taken it down then?” Yohan curses.) The remaining rooms are either too far from the school or too expensive for a first-year university student to be renting. He’s already 20 pages in when he hears a voice._

_“Excuse me, sir.” Yohan looks up to find a male who looks his age, with a slim face and pointed nose. He’s probably the most handsome guy Yohan has ever seen. “We can’t allow you to stay here if you aren’t going to buy anything.” And Yohan is back to reality, back to worrying about where to sleep when the school year begins._

_“Can’t you see I’m busy? I have nowhere to live for the school year. You really think I have the brain to think about buying something from your tiny menu right now?” The male laughs and shrugs._

_“Alright, I’ll let you stay a bit. You can get a free drink for today.” The waiter kneels and takes a pen out._

_“W-whoa. What do you think you’re doing?” Yohan thinks the waiter is too close, too intimate. Not that it should matter. He’ll never see him again, as long as he doesn’t step in the cafe again._

_“Didn’t you say you have nowhere to live? I’m giving you an address since my friend needs to find a roommate anyways.” The male scribbles on a spare napkin and hands it to him. “Here. You can probably find him anytime. He’s usually home.” Yohan takes his phone out and snaps a picture of the napkin. He then shoots his mother a message, asking him to check if the given address is in a safe neighborhood._

_Another waiter, not the cute one, places an iced coffee in front of him. “Why are you-” Oh right. The cute waiter said he was getting a free drink. He gulps. “What is this?”_

_The waiter blanks. “Iced Americano. Hyung’s favorite.” Before Yohan can ask another question, the waiter walks away, making a beeline for the back of the shop._

Ding! _It’s a text from his mother._ Son, it’s a very safe neighborhood! You’ll be okay. _Yohan smiles. Maybe he’ll see the cute waiter again if he’s lucky._

So that’s how Yohan ends up in front of the door of the given entrance. He knocks twice and waits. “Coming!” He hears a faint voice and shuffling that crescendos with each passing second.

Yohan hears the door click open and rushes to introduce himself. “Hi, I’m Yohan and-” Oh. It’s the cute waiter. “I thought you said this was your friend’s address…?”

The shorter male stares. “Oh no. I must’ve given you the wrong address because I was rushing.” He glances behind him. “Uh, come in anyways?” Yohan follows behind, awkwardly carrying his suitcase into the living room.

“Sit down. I’ll get you some water.” Yohan sits on the edge. He’s not sure whether it would be appropriate to lean back. The male comes back with a glass of water and places in front of Yohan.

“Um.” Yohan fidgets in his seat. “What’s your name?”

“Oh, right. I forgot to introduce myself. I’m Kim Wooseok.”

“I’m Kim Yohan.” There is no conversation after Yohan introduces himself. They sit in silence for a few minutes until Wooseok’s phone rings.

Wooseok picks up and walks up the stairs. That’s when Yohan notices there are stairs in the apartment. He’d been so nervous that he hadn’t even noticed anything besides the kitchen and living room. He’d been too busy staring at the ground and praying he wouldn’t be judged for showing up.

Yohan watches Wooseok lean against the railing and gesture wildly as he talks with someone on the phone. His eyes wander, noticing the books tucked in shelves under the stairs. He looks at the kitchen straight ahead of him, filled with sleek black counters in contrast to the white walls. That’s when he notices everything in the room is either white, gray, or black. Plain and simple.

Wooseok comes back downstairs and gives him an apologetic smile. “So um, my friend already let someone else occupy his room. I guess I can let you stay,” he continues, pointing to the stairs, “if you don’t mind the lack of privacy.”

“No, no, it’s okay!” He exclaims, a little too eager about staying with Wooseok.

“There isn’t much here. The bathroom’s there.” Wooseok points towards the corridor that leads to the door. “The kitchen, the living room, living space. It’s pretty obvious. At least I think. I have a spare mattress upstairs and two empty closets you can use.” Yohan nods. He carries his luggage toward the stairs and carries it up, making sure not to scrape it against the steps.

As Yohan unpacks his clothes and organizes his new closet, Wooseok helps him set up his bed. His bed is just a mattress, really, with some blankets and pillows. It’s pushed against the wall with the closets lined up. _“For your convenience,”_ Wooseok had said. Meanwhile, Wooseok’s closet is on the opposite end of the wall, and his bed is set next to the railing. Yohan feels safe in the stranger’s house, and although he doubts Wooseok is doing it to protect him or anything, he indeed feels protected.

After the two are done, they go back downstairs. Yohan goes back to sitting awkwardly on the sofa and Wooseok only laughs, gesturing the younger to sit with him on the island.

“You’re a first year right?” He nods. “What major?”

“Computer science.”

“Darn. That means you have to take Calculus I then.”

“Is that bad?”

Wooseok shakes his head. “Not usually. But only Professor Lee is teaching Calculus I this semester. His class is hell.”

“You didn’t pass?”

“What are you saying? Of course I did. I passed with the highest grade in the class,” Wooseok boasts. He stops to think. “I can help you if you might be struggling.”

“Really? What’s your major?”

“...Bioengineering.”

“That’s really cool though! Why are you being shy?”

“Parents don’t like it,” Wooseok mumbles. Yohan nods understandingly. Although his parents had never told him to not do computer science, they definitely weren’t on board for supporting right away.

Yohan wants to say more, but he decides against it seeing Wooseok’s sudden disheartened expression. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked because Wooseok ignores him for the rest of the day.

* * *

Yohan isn’t even sure how he found his first classroom. And quite frankly, he does not want to be stuck in Calculus I at 10 in the morning. He wants to be asleep like Wooseok is, tucked soundly in bed underneath the heap of blankets, or at least drown in Wooseok’s huge stuffed animal collection.

There’s something comforting about Wooseok’s loft despite there being no privacy. Their two mattresses are placed as far away from one another as they can be, but they’re still close in proximity due to the small space.

But this is no time to think about the comforts of home. He opts for a seat amongst the middle rows on the side closer to the door, so he isn’t giving himself too much attention but enough distance to still be able to pay attention in class.

Looks like here’s too early because there’s only one other person in the room. To be more specific, a girl who seems to be holding up her phone recording him. He hears her muffled giggles and his eyebrow twitches. _Not this again, no._

Yohan gets it. His face is nice ( _Not nicer than Wooseok’s,_ he thinks). People like to stare at it. And to be frank, he doesn’t really mind his face being posted on the internet because he knows his face is all over newspapers as a taekwondo champion. What he hates is the aftermath. The confessions and the death threats. He shouldn’t be held responsible for other people’s deaths when he can’t control how he feels.

In a world where “unrequited love” is the leading cause of death for citizens of all ages, Yohan feels left out sometimes. He’s never loved anyone before, and he doesn’t think he ever will. Not even Wooseok, who he likes to stare at from time to time. Even though so many people have said they love him, he doesn’t feel it. They say the flowers can’t lie, that the thorns and scars on their arms are proof of their love for him. But there’s a small part of him that thinks, that just maybe, they’re so convinced about the idea of love that they’ve brainwashed themselves into loving him.

There’s another problem. He’s tried to date so many people, but none of them have given him that warm and fuzzy feeling people say they feel when they love someone. He was never the first to mention a breakup because he knew it would happen at some point. He would try to love someone, but no one could move his heart. At some point, he gave up because there was no point in continuing this. It felt like a game that was too easy to win, like he was in control of everything.

Yohan feels familial love. That’s it. He understands how much his parents care for him, along with the effort they put in to give him the best they can provide. Friendship love? He’s probably never been close enough with anyone. Popular but cold. Fake in everyone’s eyes.

_Yohan, you’re so cruel. How can you just reject her like that?_

_Yohan, you’ll never understand what love is if people continue to flock to you like this._

_Yohan, do you really think your face is too good for anyone on this planet?_

Cruel? He just doesn’t want to lead someone on and give someone false hope. The people he’s dated, he’s tried to love. He just couldn’t do it. Never understand? Maybe he just doesn’t want or need love. There shouldn’t be anything wrong with that. Too good for anyone on this planet? Far from it. Perhaps he just wants to experience love for once, but the right one hasn’t come around yet. Maybe they never will.

“Hey, could you scoot over? I wanna sit here.” Yohan snaps back to reality, realizing the classroom has filled up with students. He looks up and shifts to his left, sliding his bag and notebook over along with him.

“Thanks.” Yohan nods, unsure of what to say. “I’m Lee Hangyul,” the male says as he slides into the seat.

“Hi.”

“Your name…?”

“Yohan. Kim Yohan.” Hangyul gives him a small smile then drops his bag loudly on the table. Yohan winces at the noise, a stark contrast from the quiet he had to himself (minus the creepy girl who was filming him and laughing) many minutes earlier.

Yohan stops paying attention to his new seat neighbor when the professor walks in, with a stern look on his face. “Hello everyone, I am your Calculus I professor for this semester, Professor Lee. I’m sure you have all heard about how hard this class is. Well, your upperclassmen are _wrong_. You know why they failed? Because they didn’t pay attention.” Yohan nods along as Professor Lee starts up the projector. _Wooseok-hyung mentioned this before. As long as I pay attention in class, it should be fine._

Five minutes into the lecture and Yohan knows he is screwed. He thinks he’s caught the important points of Professor Lee’s talks, but he’s already confused about everything in the class. Or maybe he was only half paying attention, which is why he doesn’t understand what’s going on. Or maybe he forgot what he learned in high school and is struggling to connect the dots.

Anyhow, Yohan knows he’s too shy to ask questions on the first day, so he opts for attempting to take notes and take the questions he has to Wooseok.

When the lecture is over, Hangyul starts talking to him again.

“You have any classes soon?”

“Nope.”

“Wanna grab lunch together again? I don’t have any friends at this school yet.”

Yohan wants to say the same, but he thinks Wooseok could count as his friend. Maybe he should ask him when he gets home. “Um, yeah. Sure.”

Yohan scrambles to stuff everything in his bag so he can get out of the classroom. “Whoa, no rush. It’s okay.” He slows down and decides to make sure everything is packed slightly. He double checks inside his bag, making a mental headcount of what he packed in the morning and what’s currently in his bag. _Okay, looks good._

“Let’s go.”

* * *

The two are only a few steps out of the building when Yohan hears a girl call him. He turns to see someone waving enthusiastically at him, a bright smile on her face. But he has never seen this girl before.

When the girl stops, he asks, “Do I know you?”

“I’m in your Calculus I class. I sat next to you this morning!” He looks at Hangyul, who just shrugs and mouths, “I dunno.” Either Hangyul or the girl is lying. Or maybe both he and Hangyul are not attentive at all.

“Um, okay.” He shoves his hands into his pockets, unsure of what to do. “And?”

“Well…” The girl’s eyes drift elsewhere. “I was wondering if you wanted to study together for Calculus! I have a lot of friends who had Professor Lee last semester, so I can help you if you’re having any trouble in class.”

“My roommate’s tutoring me. And I’m studying with Hangyul. You mind if he joins?”

“...Nevermind.” She turns away and looks into her backpack, then pulls an envelope out. “Please hear me out,” she says, holding the envelope close to her chest.

Yohan arches an eyebrow but lets her continue. “From the moment I met you, I knew you were the one for me! So please, go out with me!” She holds out the envelope, waiting for Yohan to take it. He blinks once. Twice. How did it go from a tutorial session to a confession?

Hangyul snickers, and Yohan can’t help but want to punch his new best friend. This is not the first time he’s received a confession of some sort, but this one definitely breaks the record for “shortest amount of time from stepping into the school to receiving the first confession.”

“No.” Yohan turns away and drags Hangyul with him, in the direction of the dining hall.

“Bro, that was harsh.”

“Am I harsh or is she just stupid for saying ‘You’re the one!’ on the first day of school?”

“...No, you’re right.” Hangyul sighs. “This isn’t the first time, huh?”

Yohan shakes his head. “Probably won’t be the last either.” His friend only laughs. “But it’s annoying, really. Doesn’t it happen to you too?”

“Uhh, not as often probably. But occasionally, back in high school when I did performances for the school festivals. The attention might be nice, but at the end of the day, it’s dense.”

Yohan nods. “I don’t think it’s wrong to be attracted to someone for their looks, but being in love? Sounds like bullshit if you ask me. Even with the thorns or the scars, it’s so hard to believe. How can you fall in love with someone and let it affect you so badly if you know nothing about their personality? It doesn’t make any sense. Good thing I’m not a celebrity. Otherwise, I would be getting death threats every day.”

“Yeah, about that…” Hangyul drifts off. They walk into the dining hall, distracted by the aroma flying from the kitchen. “I think-” He clears his throat. “I think you’re pretty close to a celebrity at our school already.”

Yohan sees groups of students whispering, many of them turning to take pictures, and groans. “Let’s eat here for today and then find somewhere else to go for the rest of the semester. I’m too lazy to find another place when I’m already starving.”

The two navigate through the crowd, trying not to lose one another, and finally slip themselves into line. Yohan leans forward and looks over Hangyul’s shoulder. “Do you think we could finish that in 20 minutes?” They’re being served rice and miso soup, along with three side dishes he can’t see. “I don’t wanna stay here for too long.”

“20? Make that 10.”

“Sure.”

When they’re done paying for their food, they look around and realize the dining hall is already full. Hangyul points to the other side of the hall.

Yohan looks at him in dismay. “There are no seats there either, Hangyul.”

“The floor.”

“Excuse me?”

“Let’s sit on the floor. It’s not like we’re staying here for long.”

“Ugh, fine.” Yohan follows Hangyul reluctantly and tries to avoid the stares and amplified whispers as they sit down and eat.

Yohan picks at his food, bitter about having to eat on the floor. But he sees Hangyul munching through half of his lunch and decides to pick up speed. He is _not_ losing to Hangyul. He decides to eat left to right with his rice, and he saves the soup for last. Soybean sprouts. Rice. Kimchi. Rice. Braised potatoes. Rice. He follows the pattern until he finishes everything, then attempts to down all his soup at once.

When he’s done, he looks up to see Hangyul laughing at him. “You didn’t have to rush. We still have,” he pauses to look at his watch, “3 minutes.”

“I just wanted to win.” Yohan gulps. “Looks like I still lost though.” They stand up and throw their trash as they head towards the exit.

“And even next time, I’ll be the winner,” his friend taunts.

“Yeah, right,” he yells, sprinting ahead of Hangyul. The two chase each other down the path, the sounds of their laughter filling the air. One minute Yohan is sprinting far ahead, and the next, he’s out of breath. When he sees Hangyul gain speed on him, he screams again. “You can’t catch me!”

For a moment, it’s just the two of them. Yohan feels like there’s nothing better in the world. The fake friendships in high school? The rumors about him being a murderer? (He’s really not. It’s just other people’s feelings digging too deep into their own skin, that’s all.) The times he’s been scolded by his parents? The bad memories are all gone, and he can feel that Hangyul’s the friend he’s needed all along. His twin, his soulmate. The one who will understand him.

Yohan skids to a stop, with Hangyul crashing into him.

“Ow,” he yelps, out of instinct.

“Sorry ‘bout that,” Hangyul mutters.

Yohan doesn’t hear his apology. Not that he needs one, though. Instead, he stares at the large glass building in front of them. “So...we going in or nah?”

“I don’t wanna,” his friend whines.

“Yeah, well, what are we doing then? I don’t know about you, but I am not failing Professor Lee’s class.”

“Ugh, fine. This better be worth it.”

* * *

“Yohan, I really hate libraries.”

He pats his friend’s heat gently. “It’s okay, me too.” They’re at the front entrance, and the clerklady seems to be glaring at them. He drags Hangyul past the lady and up the stairs, hiding behind the shelves on the left.

“Are we really going to study here, Yohanie?”

Yohan’s eyebrow twitches as he turns to look at his friend. “Yohanie? Seriously?” Hangyul only grins, clearly not caring whether Yohan likes it or not. Luckily, for Hangyul, Yohan doesn’t mind. He’s never had any friends call his name so affectionately, and he wants to surround himself with the love he never received prior to university life. Not like it was long ago anyways.

“Look, Yohan.” He turns his head to where Hangyul is pointing. It’s a 4-person table, with one guy occupying it. Oh my god, it’s Wooseok hyung. He’s debating whether he should disturb his roommate or not, and despite his brain saying no, Hangyul is already trying to pull on his sleeve and drag him toward Wooseok.

“No.”

“And why not?”

“Can you guys please shut up? I’m trying to do my-” The two of them stare in the direction of the voice. “Oh, hi Yohan.”

Hangyul whips his head back. “You know him?”

“Um, roommate.” The three of them just stare at one another before Wooseok goes back to whatever he was working on earlier. Yohan slowly approaches the table and waves his hand in Wooseok’s face. “Hey, hyung? Do you think you could help us with calculus? We just had our first class with Professor Lee and um. Yeah.”

“Sure. Sit down.” Wooseok leans over the table to collect his papers and stacks them on the chair beside him. Yohan takes the chair in front of Wooseok, while Hangyul seats himself to the right of his new friend. The awkward silence begins again, and now Yohan can’t even bring himself to look Wooseok in the eye. He’s probably going to say something stupid no matter how hard he thinks, and he really does not need to be embarrassing himself in front of neither of the two.

“So, what do you remember from today’s class?”

“The formulas!” Hangyul singsongs, a bit too enthusiastically. “Or maybe not.” He scrunches his nose. “I don’t know how to apply the formulas.”

“...I don’t remember anything,” Yohan mutters. A look of surprise flashes across Wooseok’s face, and Yohan starts to worry. Did he disappoint his new roommate on the first day of school? Does Wooseok think he disregarded the advice given to him when he received his finalized class schedule? His mind spins, and he tries to think of something to say. “I-I mean, I took notes! I just didn’t understand anything going on.”

“Yohan-ah, it’s okay. Math isn’t for everyone, you know? Maybe math isn’t for you, and that’s okay.” He nods. He wasn’t expecting that response. “You have your hyung who can help you every day, so don’t worry, okay?” Wooseok reaches his hand out, as if he’s going to pat Yohan’s head. He immediately takes it back. Yohan is slightly disappointed.

_Why didn’t you pat my head?_ is the only thought running through Yohan’s brain. He doesn’t notice Wooseok coughing and going back to his work, covering his actions by adjusting his glasses even though he doesn’t need to. He doesn’t notice Hangyul grinning at him, ready to pounce on him and interrogate him at any moment. However, he does notice his own cheeks heating up, and he looks down. Was he really expecting Wooseok to pat his head, or is he just embarrassed because no one has ever made such a gesture in front of him?

Instead of asking questions, Yohan tries to do his own work. He looks at the page of notes he took earlier. He tries to look for videos online that might help him understand the concept of limits better. He even turns to Hangyul for help, only to be dismissed. But he can’t even blame him. Hangyul is already working diligently on the practice problems assigned by the professor, too focused on the work in front of him.

Yohan hears a tap in front of him and turns to see Wooseok staring at him. Wooseok has slipped a small piece of paper with the words “I can help” scrawled in pencil. He nods and gives his notebook to Wooseok, hoping the older knows what to do. Luckily, Wooseok seems to know what he’s doing. He glances at Yohan’s scribbles, then pulls out his tablet and starts drawing graphs.

For the next hour, Yohan focuses on how Wooseok reteaches the concepts and the tips he gives for application. He, along with Hangyul, even receives help for their assigned homework.

Then Wooseok starts collecting his papers and shoving them into his backpack and says he has to leave. Wooseok lets Yohan keep his tablet, to the younger’s surprise. _“Don’t think I’m letting you actually keep it. I’m just letting you use it for now so you don’t fail the class,”_ he’d said.

When Wooseok is out of range, Hangyul nudges Yohan. “You think he’s cute?”

“What? No! I mean,” he pauses, unsure of what he should be saying. “Yeah, I guess he’s cute.”

“So you’re gonna hook up with him?”

Yohan glares. “He’s my _roommate_. Roommate, Hangyul. Roommate.”

“Alright, alright, I got it. You don’t have to say it so many times.” Hangyul grabs Yohan’s arms and asks, “So you think you could hook me up with him?” His smile is wide, his eyes lit up.

“Fuck no.” Hangyul frowns. “If you guys are ever together, I’m not gonna have any place where I can sleep in peace.”

“You can take my dorm room?”

“And risk getting caught for pretending to be you? No thanks. We don’t even look alike, Hangyul.” Yohan pries his arm out of Hangyul’s grip and shudders at the mere thought of having to third wheel his two friends. He is _not_ going to let the two of them get together. Ever.

* * *

Yohan drags Hangyul out of the library another hour after, suffocated by the quietness and having to be productive on the first day of the semester.

“Why were we studying in the library again?”

“Because we had nothing else to do?”

Yohan groans. “Let’s find something else to do. Studying is boring.”

“You’re literally majoring in computer science. Do you know how hard it is to get in as a computer science major?”

“Yeah, but-” he stops, staring ahead at the basketball court. There are only two people on the court, and they’re playing one-on-one. “Let’s play basketball.”

Hangyul turns to look. “No, they look too intense.”

“They’re playing casual, Hangyul,” he retorts. “C’mon, let’s go.” He grabs Hangyul’s arm and enters the court.

The two people stop upon hearing the sound of the gates open and turn around. One of them smirks, and the other one just laughs as Yohan pulls a disinterested Hangyul towards them.

“What are you first-years doing here?” The voice is high and cheery, contrary to the intimidating image Yohan sees.

“Trying to uh-”

Hangyul cuts him off. “He said the library was too stuffy and wanted to have fun.”

The other male laughs again. “Well, you’re welcome to join us anytime. Care for a two-on-two?”

Yohan looks at Hangyul excitedly. His smile disappears from her face, however, when his friend asks him, “Yohan, can you even play basketball?”

“You’re doubting me? I bet you’re the one who can’t play with your height.”

“Just because I’m shorter than you doesn’t mean I can’t play. Besides, I’m not _that_ short.”

“We’ll see when we actually play then.”

“Whoever scores less has to pay for dinner tonight.”

“Oh, Lee Hangyul. You’re on.”

To their dismay, both of them are unable to score. The other two are definitely have the height advantage, but Yohan is surprised by how agile they are. If he’s trying to take a three, he’s blocked. If he’s trying to take a fadeaway, he’s blocked. Even the passes he’s sure he can get to Hangyul are a fail as the ball is stolen from them once again. The worst thing is, he can’t even get near the basketball and make a layup. It’s that bad.

Yohan can’t even blame Hangyul for their loss when either of them had been trapped the whole game. The upperclassmen seem nice. And they’re not snobby.

He nudges Hangyul when they’re done. “Do you think we should maybe, you know, introduce ourselves?”

“Uh, yeah. I guess.” Hangyul lets him take the lead as they walk towards the two upperclassmen who are sitting on another bench. They bow and one of them laughs.

“Kim Yohan. Computer science major.”

“Lee Hangyul. Physics major.”

The other two stand up. The one with the cheery voice speaks first. “Cho Seungyoun. Second-year music major. Vice-captain of the varsity basketball team.” He grins and offers a handshake, and Yohan takes it, suddenly a little intimidated by the title of “vice-captain of the varsity basketball team.” And he should be. But he’s also relieved. At least he lost to a varsity player and not a nobody.

“Han Seungwoo. Fourth-year bioengineering major. Captain of the varsity basketball team.” Oh. Maybe he’s even more relieved now. But his heart thinks otherwise. He’s not relieved, with the way his heart is beating faster than usual, the way he can hear his heartbeat. Seungwoo probably hears it too, he realizes.

“Yohan? Earth to Yohan?” Hangyul waves his hand in Yohan’s face.

“Huh?” He realizes he’d been staring for too long. Worse, he’d been comparing Seungwoo and Wooseok. Two different people who are starting to occupy with his mind. He wishes it wasn’t like this.

“Are you guys up for playing in the future?” Seungwoo asks. “No one ever wants to join us for some reason.” _Yeah, because both of you are scary players,_ Yohan thinks.

He turns to Hangyul, who just shrugs. He assumes his friend doesn’t mind so he says yes on behalf of both of them. Why not? It’s not like they want to try out for the basketball team. At least he thinks. He’s not interested in basketball at the moment, and Hangyul is a bit too short (he’s not saying it to his face). Playing basketball is good exercise. There’s no harm. There shouldn’t be.

“We play on Monday afternoons. You guys okay with that?”

“Mhm. Hangyul?”

“Yeah, I’m free.”

“Okay, then it’s settled!” He’s excited. Probably more than he should be, but it doesn’t matter. Maybe it’s because he gets to exercise without having to actually join a club or tryout for a team. Maybe it’s because he’s hanging out with two upperclassmen that happen to be really cute. Whatever it is, it makes Yohan content, and that’s all that matters.

* * *

“Hyung, have you ever gone clubbing?”

“No? Why?”

Yohan smirks. “We’re going tonight then.”

“Yohan, I don’t wan-”

“Yeah, yeah,” Yohan singsongs as he wheels a working Wooseok from the kitchen counter and up the stairs to the closet. He opens Wooseok’s closet and sighs in disappointment. “I should’ve known you wouldn’t have anything.”

“Of course I don’t,” Wooseok huffs. “I’ve got better things to do.”

“And that’s not going to stop you from going. Come on,” he says, pulling the older towards his own closet. “Luckily, I have things that you can wear. Although,” he gives Wooseok a side glance and eyes him up and down. “It might be a bit big on you.”

“So I don’t have to go?”

“No, no, no. We’ll make it work somehow.” He starts pulling out his clothes one by one, shaking his head every time he holds an outfit up in front of Wooseok. “Hyung, you are too tiny.”

“Kim Yohan, I am not! Is that how you talk to your elders?”

He ignores Wooseok’s whines. “Ah, here.”

“It’s just black. What’s so special about it?”

“Hey, black can be sexy too!”

“Yohan-ah, that’s not the concept we agreed on.”

“Black can also be sleek.”

“...Fine.” Wooseok takes the outfit reluctantly and starts changing in front of him. He gulps, having expected the older to go change in the bathroom. _It’s fine. It’s just a guy._ It’s not fine. He feels his cheeks heating up, and he has to avert his gaze to calm himself down. He takes out his cellphone and pretends to scroll through social media, but he’s just scrolling through his camera roll, which is barely filled. The few pictures he has are with his parents and his sisters, and amidst his family’s pictures are a few taken on campus on his first few days of class.

“Yohan-ah? Kim Yohan?” He turns his head to see Wooseok dressed in black from head to toe. The button-up, which is a size bigger than Wooseok, has been tucked in. The dark jeans are clinging to Wooseok’s already thin legs, and he can’t help but marvel at the sight. He can’t help but think he might regret choosing such a simple yet charming outfit. He bites his lip. Maybe he doesn’t want other people approaching Wooseok. Maybe he wants the older all to himself.

“Do you think this looks okay?”

“Y-yeah, it looks great,” Yohan says hurriedly.

“Then let’s go,” Wooseok urges, making it a point to remind Yohan that it was his idea to go.

* * *

Yohan had expected Wooseok to sit in the corner and refuse to drink. _Wooseok_ was supposed to be the responsible one. Instead, he’s the one watching over Wooseok as the older downs his fifth glass.

“Hyung, I didn’t know you could drink so well. I thought you’ve never gone clubbing before.”

“You asked if I went clubbing, not drinking.”

“Right.”

A couple of glasses later though, Wooseok’s speech starts to slur. He’s putting his hands all over Yohan, and Yohan can only sit still in his seat. Until Wooseok tries to lift his shirt up and Yohan has to remove Wooseok’s grip on him and slide to the other side of the table.

“Hyung, you should go play with someone else,” he groans bitterly.

“Okay!” Wooseok cheers. Maybe bringing Wooseok here was a mistake.

Yohan spends the next 20 minutes just keeping an eye over Wooseok. He can’t make eye contact with anyone coming his way or wanting to ask him out onto the dance floor.

He spaces out for a couple of seconds, and that’s when he sees Wooseok making out with someone. It looks like a familiar figure. Tall, hair pushed back. Is that...Seungyoun? _God, I hope I’m wrong._

Yohan makes the mistake of abandoning his drink and pushing through the audience and towards Wooseok. Maybe he shouldn’t have. He doesn’t know whether he’s jealous of his new friend or just uncomfortable with the fact that it’s _Seungyoun_ making out with his roommate. Maybe he wouldn’t be feeling his way if it was some face he had never seen in Seungyoun’s place.

He decides to leave, praying that Wooseok will be able to find his way back home.

* * *

Yohan kicks his shoes off as soon as he enters the apartment, not bothering to put them away neatly like Wooseok usually asks him to. He really doesn't care at this point, and he doesn't want to think about the older at all. Not the image of Seungyoun rocking his hips against Wooseok's in the corner, not the image of Wooseok's arms wrapped around Seungyoun's neck.

He heads upstairs and starts to take his shirt off when he hears a knock on the door. He doesn't bother putting his shirt on. It won't matter, right?

He opens the door to see a flushed Wooseok stumbling in, and he has to catch him with both his arms. He quickly closes the door and puts Wooseok's arm over his shoulder in an attempt to bring him back upstairs, but Wooseok just won't budge.

"Hyung, you need to change."

"Nooo," Wooseok groans. He's clinging onto Yohan's shirt with an unusually tight grip.

"Hyung, you really- Ow!" Wooseok suddenly pushes him up against the wall, leaning in to give him a sloppy kiss.

"Yohan-ah, you taste really good," Wooseok says, giggling. The older leans in to give him another kiss, this time biting on Yohan's lower lip. He moans, unable to resist the taste of Wooseok's lips against his, and he has to stop himself from trying to ask for more. But really, he doesn't even need to ask because it seems like Wooseok has a plan of his own.

The older throws an arm around his neck to keep him in place, and moves his other hand down, slowly lifting Yohan’s shirt up. He relaxes when his shirt drops back but is met with the cold touch of Wooseok’s fingers trailing up his stomach.

“Woo- Wooseok- God, please,” Yohan groans. All of a sudden, Wooseok lets go, as if realizing what’s happening. He turns the other way, shutting the bathroom door behind him. Yohan heads up to change and pulls the covers over his head as soon as he slides into bed. When he hears Wooseok’s footsteps near, he pulls down the covers a bit to peak at the older. He watches Wooseok trudge into bed, head hitting the pillow fast.

“Good night, Wooseok-hyung,” he whispers. Wooseok doesn’t hear.

* * *

“God, why did I go to a club with you on a Sunday night?” Wooseok is whining about the previous night as he cuts up the apples he claimed to buy from the supermarket this morning. It’s Monday afternoon, and instead of going to the library with Hangyul to study for Professor Lee’s class, he decides to come back to check up on Wooseok. He’s made a mistake. Wooseok seems perfectly fine, except he keeps complaining about how much his head hurts. Yohan isn’t sure he believes him.

“Because you let me drag you there?” Yohan gives him a knowing smile, pretending that their short makeout session never happened just the other night.

“I shouldn’t have let you,” Wooseok sighs. He slides the plate of apple slices to Yohan, who’s leaned over the counter, admiring the older’s figure.

“But you did. And you’re actually sane! See?” He holds up the apple slice for Wooseok then throws it in his mouth. “Sane and doing well enough to be making these,” he says through his chews.

“Still.”

“You can go outside?”

“I don’t really want to go out alone right now. I would look like an idiot walking around campus when I don’t need to be there.”

Suddenly, Yohan gets an idea. “Oh! You can come watch us play basketball.”

“Us?”

“My friends.”

“I didn’t know you have friends.”

“Hyung~” he pouts. “That’s something I should be saying to you.”

“Kim Yohan!” Wooseok drops the knife he’d been holding earlier in the kitchen sink and reaches for Yohan, but the younger is already halfway up the stairs. They’ve been living together for less than a month, but he _knows_ how scary Wooseok can be.

Unfortunately, Yohan traps himself upstairs with Wooseok creeping towards him. He’s trapped in the corner, Wooseok’s hands on both walls.

“Hyung, I’ll buy you dinner tonight,” he says in a panic. “I’ll cook breakfast for you every day for the next week. I’ll-”

Wooseok laughs and puts his right hand down. He moves his left hand to ruffle the younger’s hair. _It feels nice._ Yohan wishes his heart wasn’t beating so fast.

“It’s okay, I was just teasing you.” Wooseok leaves, letting Yohan change into more comfortable clothes. He waits for him to completely disappear from his view before unbuttoning his shirt and throwing a tank top on.

When he finishes changing and goes downstairs, Wooseok is already leaning on the door, shoes on. The older opens the door, waits for Yohan to put his shoes on and get out, then locks the door.

* * *

When Yohan arrives with Wooseok, Seungwoo and Seungyoun are already playing one-on-one. Hangyul is leaning against the pole, clearly disappointed that he can’t play.

“Hyung!” He shouts, causing all three to turn their attention away from the game. They pause, and Seungwoo points at Wooseok, who is hiding behind Yohan.

“Wooseok-ah, we all know you. Hiding behind Yohanie won’t do anything.”

“Sunbae,” Wooseok groans. “Do I really have to talk to you here too?”

Seungyoun pulls a disgruntled Wooseok away from Yohan and slings an arm over his shoulder, taking him toward the other side of the court. Seungwoo waves apologetically, but his mischievous smile is far from apologetic. Yohan shudders, not wanting to know what’s going on in Seungwoo’s head.

As Seungyoun and Seungwoo converse with Wooseok, Hangyul nudges Yohan.

“I didn’t know Wooseok was friends with them.”

“Probably not friends. I don’t think Wooseok ever goes out.” Hangyul nods in agreement, and the two head onto the court to wait for their seniors. After a couple more minutes of playful bantering,Wooseok pulls himself out of the basketball players’ grasps. He seats himself by the bench, taking the throne as honorary spectator.

The game goes like it how it always does. While Hangyul and Yohan are panting heavily, the captain and vice-captain haven’t even started breaking a sweat. Every time Yohan misses a basket, Wooseok laughs. Even though he’s _Yohan’s_ guest, he’s cheering for his opponents. It irritates him and only makes him want to prove himself even more, and with each laugh from Wooseok, it feels like he’s increasing his speed, his strength, his accuracy. By the end of the game, they still lose, but at least not as horribly.

He heads back to the bench and takes the water bottle that Wooseok holds out to him, and he’s ever so thankful for Wooseok still taking good care of him. Even if he’s laughing at him every time he thinks the basket goes in but it doesn’t.

Yohan feels a tap on his shoulder, and he realizes it’s Seungwoo, not Hangyul.

“Hyung?” As if on cue, Wooseok leaves the bench to strangle Seungyoun and engage in a play-fight, making the older bend over, giving space for Yohan and Seungwoo. Seungyoun’s high-pitched screams he can hear until Seungwoo mentions the word “date.” At least, Yohan thinks he does.

“Huh?”

Seungwoo chuckles. “I said, do you want to come with me to the aquarium this Sunday?”

“Why?”

“Hm...A date?” _Oh._ He was not expecting such a straightforward answer. Does he really want to go on a date? He has a Calculus I exam on the fundamental theorem of calculus the very next day, but at the same time, he thinks Wooseok’s consistent tutoring and Hangyul’s nagging about library visits have helped him understand the concept much better. Maybe once will be alright.

“Okay.” He grins at the older, who pinches his cheeks. “Ow.”

“Sorry, you were just too cute. It was a bit hard to resist.” Seungwoo drops the comment nonchalantly then walks away.

The flush in Yohan’s cheeks don’t disappear, and even as he and Wooseok are walking home, Wooseok can’t wipe the stupid grin off Yohan’s face. No matter how much his roommate pesters him, he doesn’t say anything. He wants to keep it to himself for the time being.

* * *

“Oh? You look nice today,” Seungwoo compliments as soon as Yohan walks over to him.

“Thanks,” he mumbles. He’s wearing a pink button-up with khaki pants, which doesn’t sound like much, but he’s thankful that Wooseok’s awful commentary has earned him a compliment after seeing blue everywhere at the aquarium. It shouldn’t be surprising at all. Maybe he’s just stupid.

_“Yohan, don’t wear fucking blue to the aquarium. You’re going to blend in with the water.” Yohan glares at Wooseok, who’s attempting to help him choose an outfit with his so-called amazing fashion sense but is really just providing useless side commentary every time Yohan changes into a new outfit._

_“But this looks good on me,” he whines._

_“It won’t look so good when you get there, trust me,” Wooseok bites back._

_“Then what am I supposed to wear?”_

_Wooseok gets up from his bed and pulls out a top just like his blue one, except that it’s in pink. “This,” he says, shoving it in his face. “Try this on.”_

_After Yohan changes out of the blue and into the pink, Wooseok claps. “See? This is much better.”_

_“I still think the blue looks better,” he mutters._

_“Well, you won’t be thinking that when you get to the aquarium! Now shoo.” Wooseok steers him away from the closet and lets him go down the stairs. He adds a “Have fun!” right before Yohan shuts the door._

The first thing Yohan learns about Seungwoo is that he’s bold. Beyond the “Let’s go on a date” straightforwardness, he isn’t afraid to hold his hand when walking through each section of the aquarium, even in the brightest areas. When they’re sitting in the aquarium restaurant, Seungwoo freely feeds him, not caring that there are people even staring. Even the waitress coming around to ask about their meal can’t help but laugh.

The second thing Yohan realizes is that Seungwoo is really clingy. Like, _really_ clingy. If they aren’t holding hands, Seungwoo makes sure that he’s always touching him. Whenever they’re just standing there, staring at the fish, Seungwoo always rests his chin on his shoulder. He can’t decide whether Seungwoo is bold partly because he’s clingy or if his bravery is attributed to something else.

“Oh, look jellyfish!” Yohan points to a hall, where a variety of species are on display. He takes the lead for once, pulling Seungwoo inside, marveling at each display he comes across.

But Seungwoo doesn’t seem excited at all. Rather, he seems deep in thought, and for once, he isn’t paying Yohan any attention.

“Hyung?”

“Hm?” Seungwoo looks up at the sound of Yohan’s voice.

“What’s wrong?”

“Oh, nothing. I’m just thinking about the best way to stop jellyfish from invading all the oceans.” The comment catches Yohan by surprise. He wasn’t really expecting him to say something so serious. He thought that Seungwoo just didn’t like jellyfish as much as he did.

“It’s not that serious,” Seungwoo says with a chuckle, his smile reaching his eyes. “It’s one of those topics brought up in class that never leave your mind.” _Nope, I can’t relate. Everything leaves my mind once I exit the classroom._ Still, Yohan nods, pretending to understand Seungwoo’s sentiments.

Yohan tries to take out his phone to take a picture, but Seungwoo makes him put it away. “Let’s keep it in our memories instead of scaring the jellyfish with our camera flashes.” He obeys and is slightly disappointed, but smiles at the words “our memories.” Yes, it’s theirs and only theirs.

He’s somewhat lucky he’s going on a date with _the_ Han Seungwoo. Seungwoo actually spends time talking about the animals and explaining about each one’s purpose. Yohan notices that, as long as Seungwoo is talking about an aquarium animal, there is always a smile on the older’s face.

By the time they’re walking out of the aquarium, Yohan doesn’t want to let go of Seungwoo’s hand. It feels too comfortable, and although he’s never been on a date before, he’s sure he’s never going to go on a better date. But he hopes he goes on more dates with Seungwoo. He can’t imagine it any other way.

* * *

Yohan’s wishes are granted. He goes on another date with Seungwoo. And another. And another. So many to the point that there are days when he ends up not returning to the apartment he shares with Wooseok.

The labeling starts, and he’s bombarded with questions almost every day. “Are you dating Han Seungwoo?” He doesn’t know. “Is he your boyfriend?” He has no idea. “Can you back off?” No. “When are you guys breaking up?” Not dating but hopefully never.

When he asks Seungwoo if they’re dating, if they’re boyfriends, he gets a, “Why not, Yohanie? As long as you don’t mind.” He likes the answer. It may be his first relationship, but he doesn’t want to deal with the complications of it. He likes the simplicity of their relationship, and he enjoys his time with Seungwoo.

Yohan switches from being tutored by Wooseok to having study dates with Seungwoo. He’s still on pace to remaining the A in his class, which he’s grateful for. He can learn from Seungwoo, who takes his studies seriously, while staring at his face all he wants. After he aces the practice sets Seungwoo gives to him of course.

They also spend a lot of time cuddling due to 1) Seungwoo’s clingy nature and 2) the fact that Yohan has never been in a relationship before and he’s completely taking advantage of being able to melt into someone’s arms. They’ll lie in Seungwoo’s bed or on his sofa (he lives alone), watching television while Seungwoo has his arms wrapped around Yohan’s waist.

Every Sunday, they have a date at the cafe. Mainly because Yohan is less distracted there. Whenever he’s in Seungwoo’s house, he’ll find a way to get more cuddles, or he’ll get distracted by the TV. Even when Seungwoo is blocking the screen and trying to get Yohan to concentrate on his studies. He just can’t help it. It’s too tempting to procrastinate, especially when Seungwoo lives alone in a compact apartment with comfortable furniture everywhere.

Maybe that’s why, Yohan starts to get a churning feeling in his stomach. There’s nothing wrong. It should be good. But maybe, just maybe, everything’s going too well, and everything will fall into place, and not in a good way.

* * *

seungwoo

let’s meet up at the cafe at 3

yohan

ok hyung ^_^

Yohan is excited to go out and get a distraction from his schoolwork. Well, unless Seungwoo insists on tutoring him again. He really hopes not.

He looks in the mirror to see his outfit is a bit too comfortable, but he’s already dressed and too lazy to go back upstairs to change. Not to mention the fact that Wooseok has been working on a project since early morning (Yohan isn’t sure when, although it looks like Wooseok didn’t sleep at all) and is still screaming at his laptop screen.

The door clicks open and he stops in his tracks when he hears Wooseok shout, “Yohan-ah, where are you going?”

“On a date with Seungwoo-hyung!” He yells back.

“Have fun!” He doesn’t reply, just shuts the door behind him.

When Yohan arrives at the cafe, Seungwoo is already occupying the seats by the window and waving him over. _The most beautiful view for the most beautiful person in the world,_ he would always say. He walks over and seats himself across from Seungwoo, ready to order their usual set.

“I already ordered.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t say anything. I ordered first so we wouldn’t have to wait for so long.” He nods. This isn’t right. Even though he’s always insisted that Seungwoo can order first if he’s running late or arriving from somewhere far, Seungwoo has never done it. Seungwoo would say that he wanted to spend more time with Yohan and talk to him, and if he ordered first, Yohan would spend less time focusing on him and more time on the food and drink in front of him.

That’s when Yohan starts to worry. His earlier excitement is replaced with nervousness, and he’s starting to think he did something wrong. But what did he do wrong? He doesn’t even know. Did he fake his happiness during their dates? He doesn’t think so. He’s always giddy when he comes home from his dates, to the point that Wooseok tells him he’s going to dump a bucket of water on him if it means he will wake up.

“Hyung, did I do something wrong? I can fix it, you know that right? Please tell me what I did wrong.”

“Yohan-ah.”

“Yeah?”

“Calm down. Let’s eat first.” As soon as Seungwoo finishes, the food arrives, along with his iced americano.

“Okay.” They eat in awkward silence, completely different from what they usually do.

Usually? They take a bite, take a sip, and talk for half an hour until Seungwoo goes, “Ah, the food is cold. And the ice in your iced americano has all melted.”

And Yohan would pout and reply with, “Hyung, you’re the one distracting me. How am I supposed to eat when I can only focus on you?” Seungwoo would laugh and smile at him endearingly, and he would melt every single time. That was how it always went. That was how it was _supposed to go._

He doesn’t know if it takes even 10 minutes for either of them to finish the set of pastries. It’s probably the first time he has ever been given the chance to enjoy his food solely without distractions, but today, he can’t even taste anything he’s putting into his mouth.

“So, hyung,” he says through his last bite of the food, “what did you want to talk about?”

“I think,” Seungwoo pauses, “we should break up.” Yohan stares at him in disbelief, sure that he’s heard wrong. “You didn’t hear wrong,” he adds.

“But-”

“You don’t like me.”

“Hyung, what do you mean? I like you a lot! You can’t just-”

Seungwoo pulls his sleeves up to reveal several scars running deep into his skin, along with the thorns pricking his arm and the pink rose petals lush and in full bloom. Yohan shakes his head. There’s no way this could’ve happened. That’s not possible.

“Hyung, that’s wrong. It’s wrong. I swear I like you, I’m in-” Yohan can’t say it. He doesn’t know why he can’t finish the sentence.

“Yohan-ah, flowers don’t lie. Only humans lie,” Seungwoo says with a sad smile. “I know it’s not your fault, but I think you should at least know.”

He can’t look at Seungwoo anymore, not when he’s confused, not when he’s being stared at with the older’s pained expression.

“You don’t know why, do you?” He shakes his head. He always thought he had feelings for Seungwoo. The kind of feelings that people called “love”. The love that made his heart pound, the love that wouldn’t stop him from giggling whenever he thought about their relationship.

Could it be…? Not it couldn't.

“Are you starting to realize?”

Seungwoo doesn’t need to say it for him to figure it out. He’s not _that_ stupid. Because he’s always looked down on the concept of love, he’d never gotten into a relationship. He doesn’t think he’s ever been truly loved before, either, so being with Seungwoo made him feel special. Like he was so lucky to have someone be this affectionate with him, to the point that he mistook his appreciation for love. But now he’s here, realizing the breakup isn’t making him sad. He’s just confused and lost.

“You’re in love with someone else.”

_What?_ He realizes he’d said it aloud when Seungwoo chuckles.

“I figured you wouldn’t know. You’re in love with Wooseok.”

_Come again?_ Kim Wooseok? His roommate? The one who always scolds him for coming home late from clubbing? The one who always acts grumpy when the place doesn’t look spotlessly clean?

But maybe Seungwoo is right. Sometimes, he’ll think about kissing Wooseok in the middle of class. He’ll think about the way Wooseok pouts when Yohan says he can’t marathon Hunter x Hunter with him. _He’s so cute._ He thinks about the way Wooseok whines when Yohan teases him for his height, purposefully stowing away the dishes on the top shelf for amusement.

“Sorry, hyung,” he mutters. He doesn’t know what else to say.

“It’s okay. Feelings aren’t something you can’t control.” He can only stare at the table, unable to face Seungwoo. He wonders if this is also the end of his friendship with his hyungs. “Don’t worry,” Seungwoo says, as if knowing what he’s thinking. “We can still hang out like usual.” _Like usual. Right. As if that’s possible._

Yohan gives a small smile and ignores the thought crawling in the back of his mind. He gets up, pays the bill, then leaves the cafe, also leaving Seungwoo and the feelings he thought he had for him behind.

* * *

Yohan _thinks_ he’s left his feelings behind. Maybe he’s just sad that he’s lacking affection.

He briefly tells Wooseok and Hangyul about the breakup, but beyond that, he doesn’t say much. He ends up spending his weekends in bed instead of going out, and when Wooseok urges him to get up and even baits him with the smell of pancakes right under his nose, he ignores the older and turns to face his closet. Yes, facing the wall is better than looking at Wooseok.

What he doesn’t expect is for Wooseok to let Hangyul start intruding into their apartment without warning. “God, you guys sleep like this? And you guys haven’t fucked yet?” Hangyul earns a slap from Wooseok when he says that.

Wooseok leaves Hangyul to attempt at working his magic on Yohan while he himself occupies himself with schoolwork downstairs.

At first, Yohan doesn’t budge. He only frowns when Hangyul tries to turn him over. He resists when Hangyul tries to yank the blankets off him, and even when Hangyul succeeds, Yohan finds a way to glue himself to the bed, refusing to leave the comforts of his mattress.

Slowly, Yohan lets himself be dragged out by Hangyul. Every Saturday, Hangyul brings Yohan to a different restaurant, treating him to all types of different meals. Sometimes, he’s brought to a buffet, but Hangyul sticks to his side, never being let out of sight. Yohan is partially thankful because Hangyul is there to prevent him from doing anything dumb. On the other hand, he can’t believe he’s being followed around like a 5-year-old kid who is always on the verge of getting lost.

Once Yohan is completely brought out of his slump, the seasons have changed yet again. It’s spring again, and he’s ready to start fresh. He thinks about how he’s lucky to have Wooseok as a roommate because this means he still has someone to tutor him for calculus, even after passing Professor Lee’s class. He feels like he can conquer the world again, until he feels something poking him throughout class and he can’t figure out what it is, only to scream when he realizes what it is once he gets home.

It’s a tiny rose bud, a blue one, and although the stem attached is short, the thorns hurt like crazy. Just like that, all the effort Hangyul puts into helping him out of his heartbreak phase goes down the drain.

* * *

Every year, the school holds a summer festival. It’s filled with game booths, food stalls, performances by the students, and fireworks to end the day.

Yohan never attended the festival his first year, so he’s excited for his first time. He’s going with Hangyul only because Wooseok had refused to go, saying he was too busy to even think about having fun. Hangyul, once again, offers to pay for everything. Yohan is thankful for having such a great friend, but he also feels guilty. By now, Hangyul must have spent so much money on him he’s starting to regret. Yohan hopes it’s not true though.

Hangyul makes them get ready for the fireworks early. He sets up a blanket on the grass and invites Yohan to lie down with him. He shakes his head, a little bitter that he’s missing out on all the fun at his first ever festival, but Hangyul says they’ll always have next year to look forward to. Seeing that his best friend won’t judge, Yohan takes a seat next to him, and starts looking at the sky filled with stars. He’s surprised that, with Seoul’s heavy pollution, they can even see the stars at all.

“Yohan?”

“Yeah?” He turns to face his best friend, who has his elbow propped up, his face resting on his palm.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Go ahead.”

Hangyul bites his lip in hesitation. “Well, I- I like you. No, that’s not right. I love you.”

Yohan stares at his best friend in disbelief. “Stop joking right now, Hangyul. This is not the time.”

“No, wait. I’m serious!” Yohan shakes his head. “I’ve liked you for a long time now. I don’t know when, but it’s probably before you started dating Seungwoo-hyung.” Hangyul averts his eyes, guilty for having mentioned Seungwoo, but he doesn’t stop talking. “I kept my distance when you guys were dating because I thought I was okay. I really did. But when you guys broke up, I couldn’t bear seeing you like that. I wanted to tell you that you deserved better.” _I don’t,_ Yohan thinks. _I’m the one who broke Seungwoo-hyung’s heart._ “I wanted to tell you that I could give you what I want, but I tried to respect your space. I tried to give you time because I didn’t want you to feel like I was taking advantage of your situation. It was so hard.”

“But-”

“I know you don’t like me.” Hangyul pulls his sleeves up, to reveal yellow roses on his arm. His arm is heavily scarred, and in the few seconds that Hangyul has his arm revealed, Yohan can see the stems growing and scratching against his best friend’s skin. He watches Hangyul stare back at him, the tears slowly streaming down his face. His heart pains to see his best friend in so much pain, but he doesn’t know how to help.

Yohan doesn’t say a word, instead opting to walk away. He knows he doesn’t like Hangyul in that way. He could never. Not when he’s thinking about Wooseok, and his own arm is starting to react to his thoughts. His brain is mush, his thoughts are blurred, even his view as he walks home is unclear. Maybe he shouldn’t have come to the festival.

That night, the both of them go to bed in pain.

* * *

Yohan is alone at home. Wooseok had gone out for his part-time job that he didn’t know about until today. He tries to distract himself from his feelings by cleaning the apartment. He cleans the bathrooms, the kitchen counters, the living room, and even organizes the beds upstairs. He double checks each corner to make sure not a speck of dust is in sight, and he adds a protective layer to the hardwood floor, not caring that he’s slipping left and right as he tries to navigate his way through the house.

He finishes too quickly. The place is larger than the average dorm, but because Wooseok makes an effort to keep it clean every day, there isn’t that much to clean. Even the wipes he’s using aren’t collecting much dust. He decides that he should not complain and instead be lucky that he hasn’t accidentally trapped himself in a pigsty. He spends the remainder of his resting session thinking about the older, not caring that the blue rose is curling around his left arm. He could always deal with that later.

_“Yohan?” Wooseok stares at him and he snaps out of a trance._

_“Huh?” Yohan realizes he had been staring at Woosek’s collarbone._

_“Were you even listening?”_

_“Um, yeah,” he nods absentmindedly. Wooseok knows he’s lying but doesn’t point it out._

_“It’s okay. We’ll be reviewing the material tomorrow anyways. Get enough sleep tonight, alright?” He gives Yohan a tender look, as if he understands the pain he’s going through and that he’s going to help him through it. But of course he doesn’t understand. Of course he won’t be able to help him. How can he feel the pain that he’s feeling? Yohan can’t just pour his heart out to the one he loves, tell him that he’s the one causing him all this pain. It just won’t do._

_Yohan leaves his materials on the counter, not wanting to look back at his crush. Maybe he could concentrate for another day. Or he could just ignore Wooseok for the remainder of the semester and find a new place to occupy._

_He lets his heartache lull him to sleep as soon as he reaches the bed. He’ll deal with this when he’s ready._

His spacing out does nothing to improve the situation, and he hisses as he can feel the thorns poking at his skin. He turns his left hand over and stares at the rose stems wrapping around the entirety of his arm. The thorns are digging into his skin, painting faint streaks of blood against his skin. Everyone had told him the stems would grow slowly, that the subtle movements would only tickle a little. But every morning when he wakes up and thinks of Wooseok, the stems grow half a centimeter, the stagnated thorns dragging themselves along his skin, and although they don’t cut deep, he finds that his arm is covered in dried streaks of blood in spirals around his arm. The blue rose attached to the tip of the stem has fully bloomed, symbolizing his longing for Wooseok.

When the rosebud first appeared, he didn’t mind and just wore plaid shirts instead of t-shirts. It took a month for the stems to grow from his neck and curl around his shoulder. It really wasn’t bad, compared to the pain he himself made Hangyul suffer.

He’s drawn back to reality when his phone rings. _Cho Seungyoun_ , it reads. God, a part of him doesn’t want to pick up, but the other part of him thinks that it’s probably different. Seungyoun never calls him, not even for hanging out. It would always be Seungwoo who planned, and Seungyoun only called Wooseok if he wanted to hang out with them.

“Hyung? What’s up?” He hears shouting in the background, and it’s only after a few seconds of static that he hears Seungyoun speak up.

“It’s Hangyul. He’s in the hospital and-”

Yohan doesn’t let Seungyoun finish the sentence. He knows what’s about to come. “Send the address.” He hangs up and rushes to throw on something warm, then dashes out. On the way, he picks up a bouquet of flowers from the store across the street, hoping Hangyul will be able to smile at them when he wakes up.

* * *

Yohan is standing in the hospital lobby when an older woman walks over him and slaps him in the face. He drops the flowers he’d been holding without thinking and turns to see that it’s Hangyul’s mother. _It’s not what you think,_ he thinks. _It really isn’t._ But of course, she doesn’t care about that. She doesn’t bother to listen to whatever it is that he wants to explain.

She hates him for two reasons: 1) Her son turned out to be gay, and 2) Her son is lying in the ICU, on the verge of death. After all, Hanyul had been one of his best friends ever since he entered university, and the fact that his own best friend had fallen in love with him was just too shocking. But could he really return his feelings if he had never seen him in that way? Could he?

Yohan kneels down and picks up the flowers he’d dropped and turns away. He can’t bear to look into Hangyul’s mother’s eyes. Even though he wants to visit, he knows that he won’t ever hear the end of it. So he does what he knows best, what he’s familiar with. He turns away and runs.

* * *

Yohan runs all the way past the park and past the university. He shuts out the ringing of the children screaming, his classmates calling out to him. He blocks out all the noise that he can until he’s arrived in the quietest part of the neighborhood. It’s on the outskirts of the university town, on the side that no one likes to touch. Finally slowing down to breathe, Yohan takes a good look at his surroundings.

Across the street there’s a row of shops, with only one open. Its shabby sign is hanging lopsided from the door, the words “OPEN” fading and the paint on the sides peeling off. The blinds on either side of the doors are closed, and only the door is clear. Even then, he can’t see what is in it, besides the huge bouquet of flowers being displayed just to the right of the door. There’s no other sound on the street besides the windchimes clanging against one another and the eerie whistles of the wind. It should be dangerous, but Yohan no longer cares. He crosses the street and opens the door to a surprising scene.

Yohan is greeted with a cheerful “Good afternoon! How may I help you?” The voice is soft and familiar, but he can’t remember where he’s heard the voice before. A figure pops up from behind the register and he takes a few steps back.

“Hyung?”

“Oh, hi Yohan. Nice seeing you here.” Wooseok pushes up his glasses a little and puts the pen down on the counter.

“Yeah, uh, I-” Yohan scratches his head, unsure of what to say. _My friend is in the hospital but I couldn’t give him his flowers because his mother is mad at me?_

“It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me.” Wooseok heads towards the back of the store, leaving Yohan alone to wander around in the little shop. Yohan doesn’t understand anything about flowers. He just knows that the ones in the shop have been organized in neat rows, all wrapped in white plastic instead of clear plastic. He makes a note of it to ask Wooseok about it later.

Yohan walks back to the counter and grabs the notepad Wooseok had been writing on earlier. All the notes are in English, but he doesn’t understand anything he’s looking at.

He hears a few things crashing down, followed by a muffled “ow” and some cursing.

“Hyung? Are you okay? Do you need help?” He wanted to wait for Wooseok to come out, but he’s already walking towards the back of the store.

When he finds Wooseok, he laughs. There are loose flower petals all over his hair, an assortment of colors. He looks at the box on the floor, which is overflowing with different flower petals. 

“What are those?”

“Oh, I just,” Wooseok scratches his head guiltily. “I thought it was a bit sad that the flower petals were being stepped on by people visiting the store and on the streets so I picked them all up and put them in one place.” He’s looking down, but Yohan can see his face turning red. _Cute._

“Does the owner know?” Wooseok shakes his head. “Please don’t tell him,” he says frantically. “He comes by every so often, but he doesn’t really check. Plus, it’s not like I’m abandoning my job. Yohan-ah, please don’t expose me.”

“I’m not going to, hyung. Did you really think I would do that?”

“No,” Wooseok says quietly.

“How about this, hyung? Why don’t we take the boxes back to our apartment so you don’t have to worry about getting caught? And if you want to take some petals home every day, bring a smaller container with you to work so you can continue collecting them, okay?” He reaches out to ruffle Wooseok’s hair, trying to use yet another way to say that everything will be okay.

“Okay, but there’s a lot to carry.”

“Really? How many boxes?”

“Three.”

“Three? Hyung, how long have you been doing this for?”

“I don’t know,” Wooseok says with pursed lips.

“We’re taking the taxi.”

“No, it’s expensive.”

“And it’s far. I’ll pay.” Yohan knows that, for someone who has the money, Wooseok rarely spends money lavishly. He knows, but taking three boxes toward their apartment is tiring and time-consuming. So he uses his puppy eyes on Wooseok, the ones that he’s sure Wooseok will give in to.

“...Fine.” Yohan silently cheers. He calls for a taxi because he knows nobody wants to come into the neighborhood and no taxi driver in the right mind will want to drive through this eerie street for fun when the bustling streets could give them the business they want at all times. He helps Wooseok collect the fallen petals into the boxes, and carries the rest of the boxes out as the older cleans up the place and packs his belongings into his bag.

Wooseok leans against the storefront window while Yohan waits by the sidewalk with the boxes stacked next to him. A minute later, the taxi arrives, and they put the boxes in the trunk as they sit together in the back.

The ride home feels longer than it should be. As he starts to think about everything Wooseok, he feels the tiny buds trying to blossom underneath his shirt. He presses a hand against his stomach, annoyed that he can’t even think _happy_ thoughts about Wooseok without being in pain. The only way he can stop it is to go to sleep or do work, but since he can’t work on anything in the car, he decides to go to sleep.

Yohan is woken up by Wooseok who’s shaking his shoulder slightly, whispering, “Yohan-ah, wake up. We’re home.”

“Huh?” Yohan opens one eye to see the door on his side open, then sees the building. _He’s right. We’re home._ He gets out of the car to help Wooseok get the boxes out, only to see Wooseok already walking toward the building with the three boxes. He snickers at the sight. The third box is towering over Wooseok, as if it’s going to fall at any moment. He quickly pays for the ride and jogs up to the older who’s having trouble balancing the boxes as he attempts to open the door.

Yohan holds the door open for him, and when they enter, he takes two boxes to lighten Wooseok’s load.

“Hyung, you could’ve waited for me.”

“These are mine. I should be responsible.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say.” The rest of the way home sits in comfortable silence, the type Yohan likes best. His favorite when he’s with Wooseok. His favorite that makes him happy and calm. His favorite that he wouldn’t want to ever exchange for.

* * *

Yohan screams as he watches the thorns wrap around his arm. He wants to tear them off his arm and throw them at the bathroom mirror. He wants to cut the stems off, tear the petals apart. Anything to get rid of his pain. But he knows any of those actions will only worsen the pain, will only allow flowers to grow back and at a much faster rate. At this point, he would much rather taint the mirror with his blood than see his gaunt expression twist into disgust as he thinks about his love for Wooseok.

The happiness yesterday? It’s all gone. He doesn’t know why he did it. He doesn’t know why he started to overthink, especially when he knows it’s only going to hurt him.

There’s no solution to the problem because it’s already too late. The flowers have heard his cries, his pain. Their only duty is to follow the heart of the owner, and because his heart is aching in despair, the roses are fulfilling their duty by responding in such a tortured fashion.

At first, the tears fall slowly. A minute later and he is sobbing, letting his tears fall into the basin and down the drain. He turns on the faucet to let the rushing water dampen his loud sobs. He doesn’t think he’s ever cried this much in his life. Not when his pet bunny died, not when his best friends of 10 years left him. Not even when he discovered his parents were abandoning him shortly after he started university life.

There’s a knock on the bathroom door and Yohan looks up. _Fuck, I must’ve woken Wooseok-hyung up._ He ignores him, but it doesn’t stop Wooseok from getting him to open the door. After a third time, Wooseok opens the door and that’s when Yohan realizes he never locked the door. He really doesn’t want Wooseok to see him like this, but the thought of it only makes him cry even more.

Wooseok grabs Yohan’s shoulder and shakes him, but he never turns around. He can’t face the one person who is causing him pain. He doesn’t want to see the only happy thing left about his life. Because if Wooseok leaves him, he will have nothing left. He’s sure of it.

Yohan thinks that, if he ignores Wooseok for long enough, he will soon be left enough. What he doesn’t expect is Wooseok snaking his arms around his waist, resting his chin on the taller’s shoulder.

“Yohan-ah, don’t hurt yourself. I’m going to be hurt if you leave me,” Wooseok whispers, his lips tickling Yohan’s neck. _He’s too close, way too close._ His breath hitches as he realizes Wooseok isn’t going to remove himself, and he himself certainly doesn’t want to let go. Perhaps he wants this to be his forever, even if they don’t have any labels. Maybe he likes it this way, even if Wooseok doesn’t love him back. Even if he has to go through the pain and let his feelings physically scar him.

_”I’m going to be hurt if you leave me.”_ Does he really mean that? And what if he meant it as a friend? It was possible. Over the past year, he’s gained a few close friends. His little circle with Seungwoo, Seungyoun, Hangyul, and Wooseok, whom he loves. Even then, he feels the strings tying them together loosen. With Seungwoo and Seungyoun dating, he can’t help but think of the pain he caused for the two. Every time he sees them, guilt engulfs him, as if to say he is undeserving of love.

There’s Hangyul, who has been the best friend he could have ever asked for. The amount of time they spent together seems to have gone down the drain with the confession unraveled and the severity of his injuries. He doesn’t think he could ever face his friend again, even if he does recover.

Yohan’s basketball squad plus Wooseok is the closest thing he can ever get to best friends, he thinks. Before, he thought it was his high school friends. He hung out with him every day, and he thought that was what it meant to be best friends. People who were physically there every day, people who could make conversation. But his friends now, they can talk for hours and hours even after being separated for weeks. That’s what their friendship is.

The thing is, he doesn’t want just friendship from Wooseok. He wants love. He wants to hold his hand when they walk to school. He wants to have his arms wrapped around Wooseok as they watch movies, with the older putting his head on Yohan’s chest. He wants to wake up and see his face first thing in the morning and be reminded of his happiness first thing in the morning so he can power through the day.

Everything is frozen, until Wooseok mutters, “Yohan-ah, let’s go to sleep. It’s late.” He nods meekly, and lets Wooseok tug on the hem of his shirt, pulling him out of the bathroom and up the stairs toward their beds.

Wooseok gently pushes him onto the bed. He shuffles around and comes back with more blankets, then dumps them on top of Yohan. He seats himself besides Yohan and lifts the blankets up slightly so he can tuck his legs underneath.

“Yohan-ah, don’t cry. I’ll always be here for always. Next time you’re in pain, remember to come to hyung, okay?”

Yohan turns and looks up at Wooseok, who only holds his hand tightly and caresses his face. He gives a little nod, unable to say anything out loud. There’s a part of him that wants to kiss Wooseok right then and there, but the other part of him just wants to rest. He closes his eyes and lets himself drift off, hoping that Wooseok will still be holding his hand when he wakes up.

Wooseok slides himself into the blankets after he makes sure Yohan has fallen asleep, and holds Yohan’s hands in his. He stares at his lips, slightly parted, at his figure moving along with his breathing. He leans in, as if he’s going to kiss him on the lips. Instead, he kisses his forehead and then whispers, “I love you, Yohan.”

* * *

Yohan wakes up, but Wooseok isn’t next to him anymore. He lifts his shirt up to see how he’s going to deal with the scars later, only to find that there are no flowers on his stomach. No stems, no thorns. He looks at his arms, just to be sure. Nothing there either. He panics. Out of instinct, he moves his arm up to his shoulders, to feel for the familiar stems. There’s nothing there. He throws his blankets to the side and runs down the stairs, dashing for the bathroom. He turns his back to the mirror and takes his shirt off. Nothing. Only the scars are left.

He trudges back up the stairs and crawls into his bed. He doesn’t feel relieved. Maybe other people don’t like the pain. Maybe other people _want_ to be liked back, but he doesn’t really care. He wants his feelings for Wooseok to stay, even if Wooseok won’t love him back.

He’s confused. His brain and his heart are saying that he loves Wooseok, so why isn’t anything bad happening to him. Where are the flowers? He knows Wooseok doesn’t believe in love.

_“I don’t believe in love. It’s stupid.”_ It was one of their first conversations. Yohan had nodded his head in agreement because that’s what he believes too. Well, he used to believe that. God, he felt so foolish. He felt like an idiot for agreeing. _That’s probably why Wooseok-hyung will never love me, even if he tries to love someone._

But now that the roses aren’t attacking him for having humane feelings, he lets his mind run free. He thinks about the way Wooseok smiles, the way he cheers when he’s excited. He thinks about the time they made out after Wooseok came back from the club drunk, and the words he’d said. He wants to feel Wooseok’s lips on his shoulder, on his neck, and just melt in his embrace. He wants to feel Wooseok’s hand on his stomach, on his back, and lose control under his touch.

He wants to cuddle with him every day. He wants to have all three meals with him every day.

Yohan isn’t sure why exactly he likes Wooseok. He doesn’t understand how he even fell in love with Wooseok. He just did. Now he’s here, drowning in his own feelings without a solution. Maybe Wooseok will find a way to cure his sadness, even if he’s the one causing it.

He groans and pulls the covers over his head, hoping the limited air will help him sleep. He doesn’t fall asleep, though, because Wooseok comes home 10 minutes later.

“Yohan? Yohan-ah?” He feels the voice getting closer, and Wooseok’s steps are the only thing thundering in his ears. “Are you still asleep?”

In frustration, he peeks out from under the blankets, hoping to smile upon seeing his source of happiness. Except for some reason, he starts to cry. Quietly at first, and by the time Wooseok is sitting next to him and holding his hand, his sobs only grow louder and louder.

“Yohan-ah? What’s wrong?” Wooseok reaches for his forehead then tries to wipe the tears from Yohan’s face. “Tell hyung what’s wrong.”

“It’s,” he sniffles. “It’s nothing.”

“If it’s nothing, then why are you crying?” Yohan turns his head away, unable to look Wooseok in the eye. “You don’t have to tell me now. But let it out, okay?”

They sit there for a few minutes, with Wooseok caressing his hand. Meanwhile, Yohan’s mind is silently debating. _Should I tell him? Maybe I shouldn’t mention who it is. Or what if I confess to him? No, then he’s going to reject me and I’ll be kicked out of the apartment and I’ll have nowhere to go. Just don’t say it’s him that you love._

Yohan has made up his mind. He turns back to Wooseok, whose eyes light up when Yohan turns around. “Hyung, have you ever experienced love?”

“Hm.”

“Never mind, don’t answer it. I know you haven’t. You said it’s stupid.”

“Yoh-”

“But you can still listen to me, right?”

“Yohan, I did say it’s stupid, but I didn’t say I still think like that.” _Stop giving me false hope._ “Maybe I _have_ experienced love, Yohan.” _Stop doing that._

“So are you willing to listen to my story?”

“Of course,” Wooseok reassures him.

“Okay.” He takes a deep breath. “I love someone. I’ve loved someone for a really long time, but I just never realized it. I think I got too used to his presence, so I never thought anything more of it.” _That should be vague enough, right?_ “I’m happy when I’m around him. I mean, I’m also happy when I’m with my friends, but this feels different. I don’t know how to describe this because I’ve never fallen in love before, but this is, like, that thing. You know. On cloud nine or whatever. Or was it floating on clouds? Anyways, he’s really pretty and kind and smart. I really want to, um, hold his hand and everything and kiss him and just. Cuddle with him for hours, if that makes sense. I want to say that he’s probably the closest person I have in the world. He’s my first real friend, I think.”

Yohan sits up so he’s looking straight into Wooseok’s eyes. _Staring lovingly, probably._ “But I really thought I could control my feelings and let myself love him without experiencing pain.” He hangs his head, unable to look at Wooseok anymore. “I kept getting scars and the stupid flowers were blooming all over. The worst thing is, I’ve never even seen blue rose petals before. Hyung, don’t you think that’s weird? Blue roses aren’t even real on this planet, so why are they growing on _me_?”

“Yoh-”

“No, just let me finish this. I really got used to the idea that he’s never going to like me. I know he’s not going to fall in love with me. Ever. And I’m fine with it. I thought that, after putting so many people through pain, I deserved the pain. I really think I do. But this morning I was checking my scars and the flowers aren’t there anymore.” His shoulders are shaking. “Hyung, do you think there’s something wrong with me? Why aren’t the roses there? They’re the only thing that makes me feel like he’s a part of me.”

Wooseok lifts his face up and cups it gently, wiping the tears falling. “Did you ever think that he might love you back?”

Yohan shakes his head. “That wouldn’t happen. That’s just not possible.”

“And what if he looked you in the eyes and confessed? Would you believe him?”

“I don’t- I don’t know. Probably. He’s never,” he hiccups, “lied to me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Hyung, stop asking me that,” he mutters. “I’m not so sure anymore.”

“Yohan-ah,” Wooseok starts, pressing his forehead to Yohan’s. “Listen to me, okay?”

He blinks.

“I love you, Kim Yohan.” His head is spinning. _Did he really say that?_

“Hyung-”

“I’ve loved you since day one. I’ve loved you since we met, and I’ll never stop loving you.”

“You can’t just-”

“Wait here.” Wooseok lets go and Yohan suddenly feels empty. He watches Wooseok walk towards his closet and pull out a small box. Wooseok sits back down and opens the box.

Yohan gasps. “Hyung, don’t tell me-”

“These are mine. My blue rose petals. From when you were dating Seungwoo-hyung,” he says. Yohan wishes Wooseok had said it bitterly, but there’s no hint of that, not even sadness. “Maybe blue roses aren’t real in this world, but they’re real for me.”

Yohan just buries his face in Wooseok’s chest and melts as Wooseok embraces him. “I love you too, hyung,” he mumbles. “I feel stupid.”

“Maybe you are.”

He looks up. “Hey, now. How can you talk to your boyfriend like that?”

“Boyfriend? Yohan-ah, I didn’t say anything about being your boyfriend.”

“I mean, I meant. Whatever, you don’t have to be my boyfriend, it’s fine.”

“I’m kidding.”

“Oh.”

“Come here.” Wooseok lies on the bed and pulls Yohan down with him. “We’re not going anywhere for the rest of the day.”

“But-”

“Shh.” He shuts up. He focuses on the rapid beating of Wooseok’s heart. He’s happy. He’s content. He’s satisfied. Kim Wooseok is his and he is Kim Wooseok’s, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> you have reached the end!! congratulations~
> 
> to my prompter: I am thankful for your submission, and your prompt caught my eye as soon as I came across it. I hope that this turned out well.


End file.
